i dont know what to do anymore

i dont wanna be on medication... i just wish things were okay. i wish i was normal. but im not. there are things wrong with me, that i cant even control. i wish i could care and love people like the way they love me, i wish i didnt constantly think about life and all the negative things, instead of what good could come out of it. i wish things would get better now and not later.im tired of waiting, im tired of getting hurt, and hurting people without wanting too. i feel like a monster is trapped inside of me, and somedays it overcomes me more then ever. today,,...was unbearable. i couldnt think, eat sleep, or breath correctly. i went to work for 5 hours and literally was going to passout, my whole body hurt, and my head felt as if someone was slamming a door against my head over and over. i got sent to the doctor. for her to tell me im depressed, have anxiety, and stress.. which are causing me super bad headaches with the help of lack or sleep and not wearing my glasses when im supposed to. i have to now go to the eye doctor this week to make sure i dont have any nerve damage in my left eye, which could also be causing headaches. its just one thing after another. no one understand me... and idk if anyone ever will. i hope things get better, im tired of thinking about death, being sad, crying more then anyone ever should, and just feeling like a worthless piece of shit everyday.im literally at rock bottom, and there is no where left to go. my parents are worried about me, and quite frankly i would be too. im on the verge of going crazy, and i need help. im aware of this. im trying, one day at a time. for better or for worse, i guess somethings happen for a reason.