it goes on an on

i think with everyday that goes by i fall apart just a little bit more. sad is not the word to even describe how i feel, its much much worse.

i feel

as if im alone on the planet. as if im invisible and trapped in a word where no one will ever know my
existence. life's repeat button is on, tomorrow will pass along with the next day and days following, nothing will get better..yet they seem to get worse. why? thats all i ask...just why?

life is just to hard

i cry more then i can bare these days
life sucks so bad
i hate everything

lost

've been waiting all these years for nothing. Hoping I'd learn to feel alive. One day, never came for me, screamed so long I can't fucking breath.
Could you hear me screaming? The yesterdays left us dead inside and all that remains won't keep us alive. But I made it this far without you. Did I make it this far, to just stand back and watch it all fall apart. These years stopped my beating heart. These years are tearing me apart.
I let the yesterdays destroy the things I loved so much. These nights, this city, and the ones I've lost.

i dont know what to do anymore

i dont wanna be on medication... i just wish things were okay. i wish i was normal. but im not. there are things wrong with me, that i cant even control. i wish i could care and love people like the way they love me, i wish i didnt constantly think about life and all the negative things, instead of what good could come out of it. i wish things would get better now and not later.im tired of waiting, im tired of getting hurt, and hurting people without wanting too. i feel like a monster is trapped inside of me, and somedays it overcomes me more then ever. today,,...was unbearable. i couldnt think, eat sleep, or breath correctly. i went to work for 5 hours and literally was going to passout, my whole body hurt, and my head felt as if someone was slamming a door against my head over and over. i got sent to the doctor. for her to tell me im depressed, have anxiety, and stress.. which are causing me super bad headaches with the help of lack or sleep and not wearing my glasses when im supposed to. i have to now go to the eye doctor this week to make sure i dont have any nerve damage in my left eye, which could also be causing headaches. its just one thing after another. no one understand me... and idk if anyone ever will. i hope things get better, im tired of thinking about death, being sad, crying more then anyone ever should, and just feeling like a worthless piece of shit everyday.im literally at rock bottom, and there is no where left to go. my parents are worried about me, and quite frankly i would be too. im on the verge of going crazy, and i need help. im aware of this. im trying, one day at a time. for better or for worse, i guess somethings happen for a reason.

life

fucking suckssssssssssssssssssssss

i want!

i want this dog!

wellwellwell

i dont have much to say to alot of people anymore.
judge me, hate me, love me.. i just give up on everything.
spending time with my parents, brother, sister and brothers gf today
and they all mean the world to me
im starting to feel better... but my dads sick with the same thing as i was
i hope i dont get sick again. 8/
worked 8am to 3pm today by myself, then went on an awesome bike ride, and listened to saves the day and the descendents the whole ride hahaha. its nice out for once, and im just trying to get my mind off everything.

sicksicksick

i slept for 22 hours straight
and i still feel so sick
my head hurts so bad
my nose wont stop running
and my throat is beggining to get sore
8[

i hate everything

and i just took a 4 hour nap
so im gonna be up all night
great
-_-

Today

So today i had work until 2:30.
then came home and took a nap.
i wanted to go on a bike ride
buttttt...its been raining all day -_-
went to satchels with cait tonight. om nom nommmm!!!!
then went and saw the collector.... super fucking creeeepy!
kinda scared, and cant sleep. sucks!


gonna lay down and read this new book...

hothothot

just got in from jogging.
its so hot yet humid out at this time.
the frogs were so loud tonight it kinda creeped me out.
anyways worked all day.
then hungout with cait and watched big brother.
about to go swimming.
i still need a bike 8[

Somedays

its so hard to just not give up.


trying to hang in there as much as possible.

one word

amazing

watch this video




http://wimp.com/crazysand/

the passing

P.s.


i cannot wait till the weather gets colder!!

another day

work went by fast.
im making dinner for myself.
and i burnt my finger.
my mom wrote checks out of my account today on accident.
it was funny.
everything got fixed though.
gonna eat dinner, then go to the coke bust show.
my diet is going well just saying.
8]

the beginning

so today i made this blogger thing... just what i need to say all the pointless things that no one really wants to even hear.
8]